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The Salmon Purse Seine - Competition and Information Among British Columbia Salmon Purse Seiners
In British Columbia, Canada, salmon purse seiners line up at fishing access points, forming well defined queues. These queues were measured over time, using a one-dimensional recording scale. Sixty-one overflights of Johnstone Strait and Queen...
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A New Strategy to Meet the Needs of the Elderly
Geriatric Care Management:
Getting older isn't what it used to be. There was a time when
senior members of the community lived amongst their extended
family, relying on their children or grandchildren for support.
But as the Baby Boomer...
COACHING SKILLS
Introduction The question for leaders in organizations today is how do we go about unleashing motivation, facilitating idea creation, promoting information flow and go beyond being Number One? How do we distance ourselves from our competitors?...
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Wealthy Families Secret To Groom Brilliant Students
Let's face it!!! Our children are judged based on their grade point average and their performance on standardized test such as ACT/ SAT. Our children's high school and college admissions are based on those credentials. As parents, we invest money in...
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Lose Your Job Now: 5 Tips to Get to Severance Heaven
You've schemed, you've scammed, you've plotted, but the elusive
layoff has evaded you for the last time. Your desire to go to
that spacious severance-package-in-the-sky needs to be fulfilled
without further ado. How will you get upper management to see
how pointless your position really is? Follow these five tips
and soon you'll be packing your pictures.
1. Work in customer service.
Between voice-response systems, outsourcing to other countries,
and form emails, who needs to talk to a person? See Exhibit A:
"Dear Sir or Madam, Thank you for your feedback. At this time we
are unable to . We highly value you as a
customer and apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. We
hope you will consider NeverDoingBusinessWithYouAgain, Inc. in
the future. Sincerely, Generic Jenny"
With quality responses such as these, who needs to talk to a
customer service agent?
2. Apply for middle management.
In the pyramid-scheme of employment, middle management is the
most superfluous. You're the guy whose job it is to make sure
that other employees are doing their jobs. If you work for a
micro-manager, your boss isn't only making sure that you're
doing your job; he's also making sure that your employees are
doing their jobs. If your industry is in a slump, has put a
freeze on hiring, and employee numbers are eroding due to
attrition, why have 10 people managing 250 employees when
previously they were managing 300? Is $60,000/year, benefits,
paid vacation, and personal time really worth an increase of
0.002% in productivity? If you can do the math, so can upper
management. Submit that e-application immediately.
3. Work in the telecommunications industry.
Between cell phones, cable internet, VoIP, and mergers, the
telecommunications industry is all but dead. Countless
individuals been talked into keeping a landline by their
telephone company "just in case" their cell phone goes dead.
These consumers will soon realize that their cell phones almost
never go dead, and, if they do, they can always
port to a
different company with better coverage areas. With "naked DSL"
(DSL service that does not require a landline) becoming
available in more and more areas, landlines will soon be a
distant memory. And the phone number the customers have had a
cozy, intimate relationship with for the past 25 years? These
landline numbers can be ported to cell phones, too! The heat of
the home phone has fizzled.
4. Work somewhere for a long time. Remind people of this.
Constantly.
Sure, there's a learning curve for every job, but somewhere
between years one and two you'll hit that proficiency peak.
After this point, you need something else, like incalculable
business relationships or unique knowledge, to keep you afloat.
If you don't have these, don't seek them. If you do, downplay
these assets. Upper management will begin to wonder whether your
10 years of experience is really worth all the extra pay.
5. Work somewhere with a disproportionately high sign-on bonus.
If you're Larry Page or Sergey Brin, the founders of Google, or
an actuary with dueling master's degrees in Actuarial Science
and Mathematics, you deserve a hefty sign-on bonus. If you're
flipping burgers at McDonald's or telemarketing at Geico, you
don't. When a company with a "high school diploma preferred, but
not required" policy is offering a sign-on bonus, itis because
they're desperate for help during an uncharacteristically busy
season. These companies are hoping that attrition will
conveniently dispose of these extra employees when customer
volumes return to normal. If this doesn't happen, you're looking
at your coveted cash cow of unemployment when they drop the axe.
About the author:
Gwendolyn Lee, at the ripe age of 25, has been laid off. She
knows hundreds of individuals who have been laid off. She is
currently working as a contract statistician and analyst of
Internet-related metrics for rubber stamps and rubber stamping
products for www.rubberstamps.net. If
she's lucky, she'll be laid off from there as well.
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